Breaking the Silence

Over these past few years, I have had some people ask me why I talk about Trauma and my whole healing process. Some have even accused me of 'living in the past' (or obsessing about it) instead of 'letting it go' and moving on with life when I discuss trauma and abuse or neglect. People have hinted that my life would be much happier if I would just focus on the Present instead of painful stuff from the past.

What I am doing... is Breaking the Silence.

By writing about my experiences, I am sharing that it is ok to admit that you've been hurt, it is ok to not have a picture-perfect little life [seriously, does Anyone actually and honestly have that?], and that sometimes the whole healing process is messy and painful and such. Sometimes life just Sucks!

Recently, a song has been on my heart. Here are the lyrics.

"The Sound of Silence"   by Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel (released October 1964)

"The Sound Of Silence"

Hello, darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence

In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone
'Neath the halo of a streetlamp
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never share
No one dared
Disturb the sound of silence

"Fools," said I, "You do not know
Silence like a cancer grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you."
But my words like silent raindrops fell
And echoed in the wells of silence

And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming
And the sign said, "The words of the prophets
Are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls
And whispered in the sounds of silence."

In an interview, Paul Simon once shared that "We have people unable to touch other people, unable to love other people. "The Sound Of Silence" is about the inability to communicate."

Look at the words in the song. 

This was 1964! Cell phones were not invented until 1973. And the World Wide Web did not come about until 1989. But the whole idea in stanza #3 of "People talking without speaking. People hearing without listening." is so very true in that people today are more 'connected' to one another (than ever before) via technology while even more Disconnected (from True connection and communication and heartfelt expression) than they have ever been, and this has led to that emptiness [Darkness] which lives within so many people today. 

Life is such that it is often difficult to meet together in person [in real life] and - especially with regards to 'touchy' subjects such as trauma - sometimes there are circumstances which prevent a victim from connecting (in person) with resources which can help them [abusers are very good at isolating their victim/s]. So, it does help when a victimized person can come across places on the internet which allow them to see other victims' stories; it allows for a "me too" connection which helps to counter the loneliness and darkness of isolation [which can add to the depression and/or anxiety which often accompanies having been abused and/or neglected and/or traumatized in life]. Seeing stories of healing can offer a victim some hope [and yes, I am speaking from experience].

So, this is why I write. 

This is why I open myself up in vulnerable ways.

I want to offer to others the same hope and encouragement which I received when I realized that my situation is [unfortunately] not so uncommon after all.

Abusers want their victims to be silent; it allows them to go on secretly abusing more people, and it gives then Control [of people when a part of them inside feels out of control] and of Empowerment [as it counters their own internal feelings of weakness]. If victims can be coerced or shamed into silence, all the better [it is also a 'lesson' or warning for anyone who may want to be supportive of a victim].

I will not be silenced!

This is me reclaiming my own power over the people from my past who have abused, neglected, and traumatized me. This is me validating the younger version of myself who went thru all of that. This is me setting and enforcing boundaries with people, and of letting them know that I will not tolerate abusive behavior.

This is Me loving Me.

Rachel